It's been a long time since I posted anything here. But I'm finding the need to write again.
A week ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
I'm pretty devastated. Every day I wake up and it's new in my mind.
Every day I think: why me? I guess I should be used to thinking that.
What is it that causes shit to happen randomly to people? Why is it that some people have more shit happen than others? Why is it that some people walk their journey through life in some untouchable bubble, whilst others have nothing but bad luck? I'd like to know.
My MS is pretty active. I had my first MRI on 21 February and then my second on 21 May - three months apart. The first MRI showed a whole bunch of lesions. The second showed three new ones, and the old ones were still there.
We met with the neurologist who gave us the bad news. The next day we met with a nurse consultant from the neurology team at the hospital who spoke to us about treatment options. They are recommending an aggressive treatment. We agreed. I start next month.
So now I have to cross my fingers that the treatment works. That the treatment will keep the lesions at bay, or, at least, slow them down.
And, even though I've done this before, how the f*ck and I supposed to go through this again? Where life changes in an instant? That moment before the neurologist said "you have MS" and the moment after? Like that moment before the sonographer said "there is no heartbeat" and the moment after? That moment when you're peacefully sleeping and the next when you wake to find your child is dead?
These moments, they change our lives.
Not just my life, but also my husband's.
And yet other people, they just walk through life, in their bubble, with their living, healthy children, and complain about petty stuff.
These moments.
