More on children.

We had another adoption information session today. The fourth and final (compulsory) one.

Some surprises came out of this session.

One of the couples who attended all the other sessions had dropped out and decided they weren't ready to commit to a special needs child. I'm very sympathetic because I'm not at all sure that I'm ready to commit to a special needs child.

I found out that a severe facial (or other) birthmark can be considered "special needs". Imagine that. A perfectly healthy child, with a very visible and probably large birthmark, is not adopted in his/her own country because s/he is considered "special needs". Bizarre.

Also that in Uganda there are currently two sets of siblings waiting for adoption whose only "special need" is that they are "very black". Unbelievable. Perfectly healthy children, brothers and sisters, who are looking for a home, and some people find them "too black". Craig and I found that offensive. Imagine that. Because I really can't. I just want to scream "give them to me!", but that's never going to happen.

And apparently the adoption process will cost a whole lot more than we thought. We had thought around the EUR 25,000 mark, but it appears to be closer to the EUR 40,000 mark. For one child!

Then the facilitator mentioned a special "test" that we (as 42+ year olds) have to do. And did we know it will be on the 12th??? Neither of us had any idea what she was talking about, as we'd not received any information about a "special" test that we are required to complete. Apparently as we were 42 when our application went in, we are required to complete a test, whereby a behavioural therapist will be able to build a psychological profile of us. Right. And if we'd applied a few months earlier, before we turned 42, we wouldn't have to sit the test. Really. Anyway, this sort of test is exactly the sort of test that I think we would fail. Probably quite miserably. Considering the anger, the grief, the trauma, the stress, and everything else that we've gone through, I don't consider that our completing such a test would result in a positive recommendation.

And it all takes so long. We'd be doing the test in May this year. Then (if we "passed" the test) in August we'd begin one of three sessions which comprise a home study. Then if we passed that, we'd eventually get a "permit". Once we got a "permit" we'd have to choose our adoption mediator. But choosing a mediator is in itself a very stressful process, as there are 5, soon to be 6, mediators in the Netherlands. They each deal with particular countries. And (here's the killer) you can only register with one.

It's all a nightmare anyway. Because we would have to find a mediator who has a relationship with a country who allows (i) adoptive parents of 42+ years of age, (ii) adoptive parents with a blemished medical history (Craig's cancer and my on-going anxiety and depression), (iii) adoptive parents with an uncertain employment situation (Craig's not working and me still being on sick leave), etc, etc. There's a whole list of issues.

Which all lead me to the same conclusion. That at this stage of our lives, adoption in the Netherlands is not for us. We will only be allowed to adopt a "special needs" child, and I don't think we can give a special needs child what s/he requires. Maybe five years ago, before three dead children, yes, maybe then we could have. But not today. Not any more.

We're going to have to have the discussion. The options discussion. The discussion about what happens if we decide that special needs adoption is not for us. The discussion where we see what our remaining options are.

:::

My friend Birni had her baby today. I'm happy for her that she has a healthy baby boy. But I'm sad for me and for Craig. Sad that our healthy baby boys died.