That it will somehow matter.
But it won't of course.
It will make no difference. And it won't matter.
They'll still be dead. Freyja, Kees and Jet. They'll be dead and they're not coming back. My perfect children. All dead. All healthy and perfect. Yet still dead.
And there will be no more babies. None. No more babies. I promised Craig - if something happened, that would be it. No more babies.
And yet, if they found a reason, if they found out why, if they could do something about it, I would do it again in a flash. In a flash.
Despite the fact that I don't think I can cope with babies any more. If I see a baby now, anywhere, on the street, in a shop, on the tram, anywhere, I have to look and see if it's alive. If it's breathing. Another baby would finish me, I think. It's not that I think I wouldn't cope, it's that I know I would go crazy. I'm just about crazy now.
And yet. Still. I hope and I wish that they find something. Something that they can do something about. Something that they can prevent. Something that will give me hope. Anything.
:::
Yesterday Jet should have been 5 weeks old.
Instead he was cremated a week after his birth.
Yesterday was 4 weeks since he was cremated.
How different my life should be. How different.
Life sucks.
4 comments:
The answers won't change the outcome, but maybe having some could change the future. I know all too well how you feel.
*hugs*
I hope you find answers too. If nothing else, to help your heart.
Love to you as you mourn your children...
xo Lindsay
I hope they can find some answers....to at least give you some respite from the constant question of "why". thinking of you both xx
Me, too. I hope someone finds the answer for you, as small a comfort as that would be with your beautiful children gone. Sending you love and thinking of you.
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