Sometimes I look at other blogs, and sometimes I stumble across one where a rainbow baby has been born. And it's so hard. I feel so awful. Because I should feel happy for those parents, but I just feel sad for me. So very, very sad.
And that's the risk with going public. Letting other people into my blog again. Maybe random people who don't know what it's like to hold your dead child in your arms. Or people who do know what it's like, but who still have hope in their life. I am still hope-less. I'm still looking for hope. For a reason to hope. I'm still looking.
But. Let's see what happens if I go public.
3 comments:
Dear Mirne,
I just clicked on a comment you made on another blog in the hopes of finding that you had opened up your blog again. I don't know you IRL, but I do care very much what happens in your family. I am glad (in as much as one can be glad) that you have decided to go public again. I want very much for your journey (and the journey we share) to lead to something hopeful. Thank you for being generous enough to share the road.
Hi Mirne & Craig
I have been a little missing from commenting here. I'm sorry. I think of you and of your 3 beautiful babies so very often and will always be here to read. With a hug across the miles xxx
Mirne and Craig - I am the same as Audrey above. And Catherine W probably saw me searching for you. I found you through Catherine who reads my very dear and personal friend Michele's blog (she blogs at My Life After Loss) in the weeks just before you lost Jet so tragically. I started reading blogs like yours (and Catherine's) to help me understand all the pain that mothers (and fathers) feel from these horrible times. It may seem strange, but I have to try to know even a few of the feelings. I am one of those women who have never wanted children but have friends who I love so much who have experienced these life changing tragedies. I will never know this pain, but I want to try to understand and be as supportive as I can - I hope this does not seem trite - it is not meant to be. Michele recently found a blog that trashed her and her pain - she was able to forgive that demon - but I wanted to thrash the horrible woman. I feel very protective of women who have lost so much. I am so very sorry - for what it is worth.
I have kept the link to your site and checked it every few months to see if you had become public again - I had wanted to ask you again if I would be given permission to read it - but I did not feel I had the right. I had remembered that Jet had passed a year ago so I decided to check again today. I did promise that if you became public again I would send you a letter. Please know that there are many in this online world who think of you both and care for you both. Blessings - Ann
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