His wife is having their second child tomorrow. Via caesarian section. To deliver their son. Their first child is a little girl. The perfect family.
I read his status and then walked away. I was pretty pissed, I decided. How arrogant. How presumptuous. Do they know something that the rest of us don't? Did they get a piece of paper in the post with the words GUARANTEE FOR LIVING BABY on it? Do they just bring that piece of paper to the hospital and hand it over somewhere in exchange for a living baby? Why are they so convinced that their baby will be ok? That they won't be the ones left holding the dead baby?
It's making me reconsider my Face.book position again. Maybe I'll cull some more friends. Or maybe I should wait until I see what happens with my baby. Maybe if my baby is born alive and well, I will be more tolerant of those status updates. Maybe.
But it's not just those arrogant, presumptuous statements. It's also those status updates about babies and children. Those status updates about visits to the doctor, for vaccinations, about kiddies sleeping and mummies being tired. I can't cope. I really can't. How am I supposed to respond to those status updates?
At the moment, I don't respond. Because no-one wants to see my rants in response to their status update.
I just want to scream when I see status updates like that.
I wish that I could write in my status update that Kees was keeping me up all night. That Freyja had a fever but that fortunately it was coming down. That Kees had spilled a full bag of sugar all over the kitchen floor. That Freyja was crawling into our bed every night. I wish.
So every time I see one of those updates it's like a sharp stab in the heart. And in the mind. And reminds me again and again of what I don't have and what I will never have with my Freyja or with my Kees. No matter how many babies I have who live.
And I only want one at this moment. Because I can't have my Freyja and my Kees back. In the absence of his siblings, I just want this little boy who is currently inside me. I want him out. I want him in my arms. I want him healthy. I want him.
Is that too much to ask???
I'm 36w5d. Only 9 days to go.
18 comments:
Oh honey im counting down the day's with you hang in there hugs from afar
XXX
Wow, you are so close. I'm sure you must be afraid.
Still, you cracked me up with the 'guarantee for living baby' paper. I want one! And yes, he was being VERY presumptuous.
I don't like facebook. There are just some people I just don't want to talk to anymore so I just don't log in.
I have a live child, but I still don't agree with people just assuming that everything will be fine. I was thinking yesterday, that even if I did get pregnant again, I still think I'll be standing there, big-bellied and aggravated at the blissfully un-aware pregnant lady.
I'm counting down the time with you. I can't believe your almost there!
Damn FB. And you're so close - hanging in there with you, Mirne and hoping for the best. xoo
The reason he is so presumptuous is becasue no one wants to think their baby is going to die. It is only us who have suffered a loss that know if it can happen to us, it can happen to them too. I am so sorry. xx
Mirne,
I am probably one of those people. I am always going on about the adventures my girls get up to. I am sorry if anything I have ever written on my facebook upsets you. Its the last thing I want to do.
Mirne I am thinking of you in the lead up to this precious little boy being born. I wish you peace my friend. Deep peace.
xxxxx
I've hidden just about everyone I know expecting young children or with young families on FB. It's still all too easy to give in to curiousity and torture myself by reading those status posts, though.
And it's not too much to ask, not at all. I am hoping so very hard that you have this little boy, safe and healthy, in your arms soon.
Mirne, so many of us are sending you our prayers and positive thoughts. I not only want you to bring home a healthy baby, but I also pray you have your child healthy and alive, with you for your life time. I know that is what every parent wants and expects. It is only us, lost baby parents, who know that reality can be harsh. I'm praying for your baby and you.
Counting these days with you and sending you much much love. I'd love a written guarantee as well....maybe with a 100 year warranty??
Oh the arrogance! Someone told me yesterday about a friend of ours who is pg, and going oot for a baby shower at 19 weeks. All I could think was, "Who *does* that?!?!!!" Apparently blissfully naive people, that's who :)
You are so close my friend. Hang in there.
Oh, Mirne. My heart aches for you. I'm so glad you have a place to vent and express your feelings. I admire your courage in being so honest. I think until people have personally experienced babyloss they don't fear for maternal or infant mortality the way people did generations ago. I have a friend who is now 40 weeks plus four days and I'm in complete anxiety for her baby - I watch her happy, chirpy FB posts and think, oh, God, bring that birth on. I've debated emailing her privately but I don't want to freak her out. After all, I never thought I'd lose a baby before our stillbirth. I wish so much that you didn't have to be aware of these fears and that you hadn't lost your two precious children. Most of all I wish you peace and comfort and loads and loads of prayers for a good birth experience with this little one. If I were closer I'd make you cups of tea, a casserole or two, and listen to you for hours without judging. Grief is a nasty, nasty thing for any mumma. (((hugs))) from Lotus Land
I hate the presumptions too. My husband's coworker announced her pregnancy at 6 weeks, and we both thought but!something could go wrong!you could miscarry! And then she had her baby boy, happy and healthy.
And all I could think is why not me too.
Thinking of you and your family. Hold on for just 9 more days.
xoxo
I'd love a guarantee as well. Its been twice my guarantee has been lost, torn up, never written. Who knows...It sucks. I remember, I too was "one of them". Sadly, I know the truth now, the reality now.
9 more days, wow...I can't believe that time is almost here. Wishing you gentle days and night until you meet your baby boy.
*hugs*
Counting down the days with you Mirne. xxx
I have the same problem with FB. Whenever I see a status update that upsets me, I 'hide' that person from my newsfeed. That way, I'm still FB friends with the person and can resume contact with them whenever I want to, but for the time being I don't have to know about any of their perfect lives.
9 days!! Wow!! Counting down the days with you.
I'm sorry Mirne. I know I share my boy too much on facebook. I find it difficult not to. Sorry if I've ever hurt you.
The naivety your friend has? I would give anything to have that back. This pregnancy after loss gig sucks. I will be so relieved when we've come out the other side with HEALTHY LIVING BABIES... who grow up and become healthy living children and so forth. We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't think there was a chance, right?
*hugs* Mirne. He'll be here soon. I'm counting the days with you. xxxooo
I hate facebook so much it's ridiculous. Why I still have one I have NO idea. And I can't just hide people because they show up in my dumb highlights section.
You have been through so much-too much-more than a human should ever have to endure, and you should do whatever it is that helps you!!!
Please keep us updated these next 9 days! We are all waiting and hoping and wishing and thinking of you, Craig, Kees, Henry, and your new little bundle.
I am always amazed at how many children are being given away for free on FB. I could have a small tribe if I took up all the offers. I can't wait to read all about every little thing your baby boy does. You can bore me silly with all the mundane details! Counting down the days with you......
Yep, thanks for reminding me while I'm still not back on Facebook. Just hit my 12 month anniversary. Can't say I miss it.
But I can say I miss your babies with you. And I'm officially holding my breath until you get your good news soon. Don't forget to take your "live baby guarantee" slip to hospital with you.
Love you heaps Mirne. Somehow, try (I have no idea how) to hang in there. We're all here for you, every step of the way.
xo
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