We stopped at one of those lovely little towns, St Goar, and walked into a lovely cuckoo clock shop (try saying that a few times). We were surrounded by lots and lots of cuckoo clocks and were suddenly overwhelmed with a (previously unknown) desire to purchase one.
We couldn't decide which one to buy, so in the end I said, "Let's walk around town and we'll come back later". After a 30 minute walk, we had decided on the style of the clock and a maximum price. Back in the shop we discussed further, and eventually chose a gorgeous clock (which exceeded our maximum price by nearly 55%) and walked away very happy customers.
Even simple acts like this take on a different meaning when you've lost a child. A clock like this (hand-made and very expensive) should be passed on to your children. What happens when you've had your children and they died?
This thought had never occurred to me before I had children - then my whole life was focussed on me. Not on possible children. Also before I had (and lost) my children, there was always the possibility .... the possibility of anything really!! The possibilities were limitless. Now I don't focus on the possibilities but on the realities.
The reality is that I am 40. I have had two children. I have buried two children. My possibilities aren't limitless any more.
When Craig and I die, we may not have a son or daughter who will get our cuckoo clock.
2 comments:
Come on Mirne... I want to see a photo of that beautiful cuckoo clock! :-) It sounds lovely..
Isn't it bizarre how we never think about the fact that possibilities might even have limits... the saying tells us that 'the possibilities are limitless', but suddenly we find ourselves as babylost mama's and realise that that saying is a total lie. Possibilites ARE limitless, for everyone, but in our naivity we choose to ignore that fact. Now we face it in cold, hard reality.
I'm 38 + 3 months. I have one child. I have buried one. I have not fallen pregnant in a flash like the 'possibilites' said I could. I will not have a live child born in 2009. And the possibilites of having a live child born before I turn 39 are dwindling. As are the possibilities of having 'a football team' should I so choose are also dwindling. Yet the world still chooses to believe that 'possibilities are limitless...' (hmm, I think I just stole your blog for my post ha - sorry!)
x
Mirne that sounds lovely, and really a beautiful treasure to have in the family - can you get it engraved at the back with Freya and Kees name on it? ....can you post a picture of the cuckoo clock, I am now hearing the sound of music song "cuckoo" and can envisage yourself and craig in Green outfits (made out of the drapes - I hope you have seen the film or I will sound like a lunatic!!!) singing on the mountain top..with Freya and kees smiling in the sky Love Louxx
Post a Comment