He said that to me ... I was in the room. I wasn't on the phone or otherwise out of the apartment or something. He said he misses me.
He was making our lunch in the kitchen, and whilst he was making lunch he was talking to me. As usual these days I wasn't really paying much attention. Actually, I was half-heartedly surfing the net (which I also do frequently these days). He was talking to me and waiting for a response.
Of course he didn't get any response, and I first became aware of his conversation attempt with me when I heard him talking to himself in the kitchen. In fact, he was pretending to be me and answering his own questions. In the absence of any response from me, he was having a (pretend) conversation with me.
He made me laugh! :-)
But he made me sad too. :-(
I asked him what he was doing and why he was doing it and he said "I miss you". I asked what he meant, and he said he misses our conversations. Because I'm so forgetful and absent-minded these days that I often don't answer him, or get only halfway through a sentence, or simply forget what's been said or discussed. Seriously.
Does anyone else have this? I've had this (and it's getting worse all the time) since Kees died. Probably more so since my major melt-down towards the end of last year.
I forget what I've said, what he's said, what I've done, what I've said I would do, what he's said he'd do, everything. My mind is less a sieve these days and more a funnel. Everything goes in one end and straight out the other.
Anyone else?? Will it get better do you think?? Will I get my powers of concentration back??
13 comments:
I'll bet you will. It's very hard for me to focus these days on more than one thing.
Just go easy on yourself.
LOve LIndsay
I hope so - could be the hormones & grief mixed together? Thinking of you...
My brain has also gone walkabout since losing Lachlan. I find it hard to remember anything. I think it must be my body's way of coping with what's happened, kind of like a shock response.
Mirne, I have this, I feel like I am half there, mind on worries, mind on loss, mind on trying to get through each day with this pregnancy without caving in, mind on missing our beautiful babies..
Coping with all sorts of things and I feel to some degree I now have short attention span when it comes to the "old" things that I liked doing..
You have been through so much, so many thoughts, so many feelings...you are a mother to two children and one on the way, it evitably divides the brain when you become a mother...that was lovely that Craig says that, Jason just says Lou "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" are you there!!!
8 weeks to go Mirne...thinking of you and thinking of baby.. PS I am catching up with blogs and I read your last post, thought you may be interested by in the Daily Mail UK article on how study on positive mantras and positive books have proven to cause more ill effect on people than good...
inevitably it should be on my post, I can't type at this time of morning on Sunday :)
Yep, I get this. All the time. I'm a total scattebrain these days, and in my former life, I really had it all together.
I haven't really experienced this yet but maybe its a late pregnancy/grief thing. I will keep and eye out for it. At any rate I would expect this to go away at some point after you've had your precious baby. xx
I'm sure it's pregnant brain. I had it with both of my pregnancies, I'm sure your ability to focus will come back as soon as the baby is born...
Sooo familiar. Wow. Thanks for sharing this post and reflecting back a truth that I think most of us can relate to. You know, traumatic events lead to a changed person inside, and others have to adapt to that. Sad but true. I'm sure you two will find your balance and find your new "selves" again. :-) hugs.
I'm doing it. My boss has called me on it, it's pretty bad. I know I do it, but I can't help it- I don't know how to actively stop it. I think it has something to do with the death of our babies. But it could be pregnant brain too, I don't know.
between the pregnancy and the trauma i think thats what happens. i feel like i'm changed, that i can't focus or have normal conversations anymore. so yes, i think this is what happens. just hang on tight to each other because really, that is what is most important in all this. xo
Yep, the container that is my brain seems to sprung many leaks. I've been stupid with grief and hormones and general disorientation for months now. Somehow I've functioned at work and completed some major projects. I have no idea how.
Yes! Not as much with my husband, but for the past 2 years I cannot for the life of me hold a conversation socially. I simply do not talk. What is the point? What can I possibly say? What even matters? Then I got to a point where I really made a good effort. I was trying hard to get back to being able to socialize with people. I could not keep track of the conversation. Even when I was trying to talk, I would lose my place in mid sentence and almost every time would end with "I lost my train of thought. I can't remember what I was saying." I think this mental confusion is all a very big part of grief.
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